It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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