I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i've created a new STD.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize