i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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