I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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