sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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