he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize