it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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