i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
