man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
