goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
