i just had sex bonerless
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We had to coat check the pizza.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize