Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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