You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
