My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
