i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hope mine doesn't look like that
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
