The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
