I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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