I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize