I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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