Screwed.edu
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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