ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
