I miss vodka workout Fridays
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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