i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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