3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
