Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
