The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my phone needs a breathalizer
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
