I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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