i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize