And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
