Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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