The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
