Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
