put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
