i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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