woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
