ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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