You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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