you guys were way drunker than both of me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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