She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
