Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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