All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Randomize