So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
