Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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