none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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