What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
