You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
