So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
