the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
