so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
two words: eviction party
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
