It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
