DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
