I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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