your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
