I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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