# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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