what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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