mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
