my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
