So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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