This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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