So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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