We named our party play list daddy issues
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
