Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Are my feet made of real feet?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
