I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
