The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
