theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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