someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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