is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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