I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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