Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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