you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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