So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
