So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
