used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am available for nakedness
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
