So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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