My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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