apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i now understand why vodka
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
