I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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