Four minutes until I can fart!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
