My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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