she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
