Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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